Being honest with yourself

**DISCLAIMER** This is not a “pro Christian” article, or anything of the sort. It’s meant to offend no one. It’s simply an experience from my personal life, and the way things happen in my own eyes and mind.

As life continually throws things at us, we sometimes forget to be honest with ourselves. I know you probably think that sound a little crazy, or maybe impossible… But is it? I don’t think so. Take yourself back through your own memories. You will remember something that let’s this ring true. There was a time, where that little voice in your mind said one thing, and yet your concise mind made you fully 100% believe another. Hey… it happens. And it’s not necessarily a bad thing either! The key thing to remember, is when life comes at you in an all out war…. You’ve GOT to be honest with yourself.

Here as of late, my life has seemed as though I was in a place where if it COULD go wrong…. well it’s gonna. I mean things were coming at me left and right, and it was JUST as I was making an extreme effort to make sure I was doing everything within my powers to do “life” right. I was trying to get closer to God, making every attempt to physically go to a church that we have recently found, doing better by my son, my girlfriend, my family, and my friends. I had started back in the gym, totally changed my diet, and was really trying. Amidst all of these things, there here comes the bad things. Work gets deathly slow (I’m 100% commission on my day job). Even though it was slow, some changes and illness issues within the other managers made my schedule more demanding. I have been having to deal with some legal issues left over from my divorce (it’s been 3 years now… and still dealing with it), and another day in court coming up next week. With working more, it makes seeing my son insanely difficult, due to lack of time, and I feel as though I am never at home to help my girlfriend around the house. So to try and help offset that, I get up at 5:45am to go to the gym and when I get home from work I run around like a “chicken with it’s head cut off” just trying to make sure that Whit isn’t doing it all. It doesn’t sound like a lot, but when you feel like a failure on everything you are doing, and that simply is NOT in your vocabulary…. It greatly increases the “stress factor”. Ugh…. This probably seems like I’m just griping, or complaining, or whatever you may call it, but I’m not. I’ve came to a realization just this morning.

As I drove to work this morning, I did what I usually do. It’s a lengthy drive, so I typically make a call or two, and then it’s to either a YouTube video, a podcast, or sometimes just some music. This morning, I opted for a music kinda day. It was raining, and the rain was so dense I could hardly see. It had been raining like this for over 12 hours, and large pools of water were on both sides of the interstate, and any dips on the road had now became miniature lakes. With a speed limit of 70, I felt like a 90 year old woman going to the grocery store due to the fact I was only driving 60 mph. Tractor trailers were blowing my twin turbo red BMW around like it was a Hotwheels car, and I had just settled into my daily commute. As the Jompson brothers boomed over the stereo, my mind drifted. “Why?” I said out loud to myself. What on earth have I done to be having to deal with all of these things, and why now? I mean…. can I not simply enjoy life for a little while?? PLEASE?? My thoughts become louder and louder as I ran multiple “issues” through my head. And for all of my “issues”, I was also trying to immediately pair it with an instant “fix”. As all of these things were happening, my thoughts becoming louder and louder, the rain coming down faster and harder, my mind racing ….. there it was. It was right in front of me, and I hadn’t been able to be honest with myself as to what was really happening.

Little known fact, my father is a minister. He has been since before I was born. So, yeah… I’m a Preachers Kid (or PK as I was called by many). When all of those things that I mentioned in that last paragraph were running through my head…. out of no where I could hear my own dads voice louder than anything. When I heard it, I almost jumped. It was as if though Dad was in the seat beside of me. “Son.. when you try and become a better man, a better Christian, and get closer to God… You unleash the power of Satan and his army upon you, and your life”. It was honestly like he was sitting there talking… Just to me… And I realized. I’ve got to be honest with myself. These were not my fathers actual words… This was my own mind, telling me what I truly knew deep within my heart. This simple drive to work this morning, has almost brought me to a new place of peace with everything happening at this moment in time… A small sense of calm… and it all happened, simply because I FINALLY chose to “Be honest with myself”…..

“My brethren, count it all of joy when ye fall into divers temptations; Knowing this, that the trying go your faith worketh patience.” James 1:2-3 KJV

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